Culture Shock #35: It's about windows again

This is more of a public service announcement than a blog post. I'm here to spread the good word that German windows are NOT UV protected. In fact, most German windows were built before the invention of UV window protection. Who knew????

Sincerely,

my red and crispy face

Culture Shock #34: German vs. U.S. American Backpacks (A Research Study)

The first time someone called me a turtle in this country, I blushed. How cute!

The second time someone called me a turtle in this country, I halted, perplexed. Huh? Again?

The third time someone called me a turtle in this country, I wheeled around and stomped my foot, demanding answers. The answer I received was not one I was expecting.

    "Your backpack! It makes you look like a turtle!"

Up until this exact moment in time, I considered my backpack to be the most ordinary backpack known to mankind. A Jansport. Heathered grey and brown trim, striped blue ties knotted around each zipper, with enough pockets and flaps to escort me through sixty flowcharts worth of high school history, four years of double majoring, and a transatlantic emigration. I never expected to receive a single comment on my backpack. Its stubborn commitment to inconspicuousness was the main reason I bought it in the first place. This backpack would match every outfit I wore, every mood I was in, every stage of life I progressed into. It was timeless. And placeless. Or so I thought.  

Upon receiving the third comment comparing me to a wrinkly vomit-colored reptile, I decided to conduct some informal observational research. Nothing to prove here, no variables to manipulate, just indulging in some good ol' American curiosity. 

Here were the two truths I kept close to me as I began conducting this observational research:

    I. The mere fact that I wear a backpack is not enough to warrant a Turtle Comment. Many Germans wear backpacks, as they are by far the most practical receptical for biking. Must I stress the importance of practicality in this country yet again?

    II. There is, however, something fundamentally different about my backpack and a typical German backpack that inspires Germans to make a Turtle Comment. Through my research, I would identify this fundamental difference. 

My research primarily took place in the context of public transportation. I found trains to be the ideal context because they are generally 1) full of people 2) wearing backpacks. After being sensitized to my backpack's Outsider Status, I immediately began to notice what differentiated mine from those around me. The backpacks hugging the shoulders and spines of Germans, well...did just that. German backpacks are streamlined, long, elegantly stretching into the available vertical space behind German heads. German backpacks do not proudly protrude into infinite horizontal space behind their owners' buttocks, like my backpack tends to do. The thin and compact design of German backpacks allows Germans freedom and ease of movement on bikes and busy trains while taking the safety and comfortability of others into consideration. If a German fancies a 90 degree bodily turn in a packed street car, they can proceed with their desired turn without even glancing over their shoulder. Meanwhile, any sudden movement of mine with my buldging Jansport directly threatens the lives of every human in my immediate surroundings. I suppose you could say that my backpack has a very U.S. American way of going about the world. I DESERVE TO TAKE UP AS MUCH SPACE AS I WANT GODDAMMIT. YOU ARE ALL JUST PINS TO MY BOWLING BALL OF A JANSPORT. GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BACK PROBLEMS.

Honestly, I should feel lucky that the worst name I've been called is "turtle".