Back in the Homeland: My Reverse Culture Shocks

Alright, everyone, here it is, at long last. I spent 2.5 weeks back in the U.S. for the first time in over a year and took careful notes during my visit. I noted things that struck me as odd, things I forgot about, things I'd never really questioned or paid any attention to until I got some distance from it all. It was a somewhat bizarre experience, whipping out my phone to open my Notes app at all hours of the day and night. Receiving quizzical looks from my family members ("What now?") and then hurridly explaining that I forgot about sales tax. Needless to say, some of these reverse culture shocks will be more riveting than others. In any case, I hope this list makes you, readers, think twice about your daily "normal." Or just makes you laugh. Either way is a win for me.

Without further ado, I present my list of "Reverse Culture Shocks". 

1. Top sheets! Lord is it nice not having to strip a duvet cover off of a comforter every two (....three...four...?) weeks to shove in the laundry. Not to mention having to figure out how to get the fucker back on the comforter. It's my biweekly (monthly) Sunday workout. 

2. Why do grocery stores in the U.S. spray vegetables with a light mist of water at irregular time intervals? Seems like a waste of water to me. 

3. Apples in the U.S. are freakishly shiny. If I'm not mistaken, they actually get waxed. Feel free to fact check me on that, but apples in Germany are appropriately dull in finish. 

4. I forgot that waiters bring the bill to your table so quickly, sometimes before you've even finished dessert. When I lived in the U.S., I found this swiftness and efficiency highly functional, even considerate. Thank god I don't have to chase down a waiter and ask for the bill, wasting a precious five minutes that will make me late to my next appointment. This time around, I found it incredibly rude! How dare the waiter rush us like that! Mealtime is sacred and should last at least 2.5 hours. 

5. FREE WATER WITH ICE CUBES. FREE WATER WITH ICE CUBES. FREE WATER WITH ICE CUBES.

6. I noticed a lot more food waste in the U.S.. I regularly saw people in restaurants give their half-eaten plates to servers to be taken away. In Germany, not finishing the food on your plate is a highly taboo practice. It is expected that you lick your plate CLEAN, especially if you're out to eat. 

7. People are so goddamn loud in the U.S.. Why is everyone shouting?? Why are there cars and trains and planes everywhere all the time?? Why are stores and bars and restaurants open 24/7?? Shhhhhhh. Go home and take a bubble bath.

8. In the U.S., you are a consumer first. There are ads everywhere. Billboards along the streets. On public transportation. In bathroom stalls. It was exhausting being constantly exposed to so much capitalist stimulus. 

9.  So many U.S. American flags. So much patriotism. Germany would never....again. 

10. I forgot about paper napkins and Ziploc bags. I literally forgot about them. They used to be staples on my grocery shopping lists, then I moved to Germany and promptly forgot I ever needed them. Who needs ziploc bags when reusable tupperware exists? And why do we need paper napkins anyway? God invented the tongue for a reason.

11. JEWS! I MISSED JEWS! I missed people who know Jews still exist! I've never been so happy to see tacky Chanukkah decorations in a Walgreens. 

12. It is socially acceptable to take photos in public without asking permission of the people you are photographing. I never thought twice about this practice until I moved to Germany and starting hearing the words "data privacy" a lot more often...What do yall think? Is it creepy? 

13. "Employees must wash hands before returning to work." Yall know these words. They're on a sign in every store and restaurant. I'm sure there's some law about it. I never ever stopped to consider these signs until I was back in the U.S. and thought to myself...why do employees need to be reminded to wash their hands? Isn't this a reasonable expectation of every grown human? I find the fact that this reminder is legally mandated mildly disturbing. 

14. People bag your groceries for you in the U.S. (if you're shopping anywhere but Aldi). I used to find this highly convenient, but now I find it strange and want to do it myself because I can do it better.

15.  You hear the phrase "How are you today?" everywhere. Before being seated at a restaurant. Checking out at the grocery store. Getting your movie tickets scanned. It slowly started pissing me off over the course of my visit. Like, don't ask me if you don't care. It's weird! I'm rarely just plain "good" and I don't want to lie all the time.

16. There are so many elevators in the U.S.. Probably because most of the buildings in the U.S. were built after the invention of the elevator. I appreciated having the option to take the elevator every once in a while, though I always heard my Grandpa's voice in the back of my head ("You know the secret to living as long as I have? Take the stairs.")

17. U.S. American websites are so beautiful. God bless decent graphics and easily-navigatable home pages. Germany desperately needs to take notes. All German websites look like the html website I coded in eighth grade. 

18. Sweet, sweet U.S. American digitalization. At this point, I think you could go your whole U.S. American life without ever making a phone call, printing something, or mailing a letter. You can order food online. You can make doctor's appointments online. You can check test results online. You can go to therapy online. Plus, there's an app for everything...God I sound ancient. 

19. U.S. Americans don't know how to pee outdoors. Now that I type this, I'm remembering that it's actually against the law. Public indecency...you know what's publically indecent? Lack of access to beautiful forests to hike around and pee in.

20. Playbills are free! I mean, included with the several hundred dollar Broadway tickets your parents bought for you. Anyway, in Germany, you have to pay for playbills, which means most theater-goers walk away from the performance without a souvenir. 

21. Sirens in the U.S. sound like "ooOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEOOOOOooo" while in Germany they sound like "errrrrrrERRRRRRerrrrrrrERRRRRR". Make sense? Good. I actually did a little googling and European sirens are actually more effective while creating less sound pollution, says science, or at least this one YouTube video I stumbled upon: https://youtube.com/watch?v=_dgYgshLAwQ. 

22. Sales tax. 

23. U.S. American washing machines don't wash clothes like German washing machines do. I can throw a white shirt with a red stain on it in a German washing machine and the stain comes out completely. I can throw a white shirt with a red stain on it in a U.S. American washing machine and the stain will spread into a big pink splotch that will render the white shirt completely unwearable. 

24. I felt perpetually underdressed in the U.S.. Which might come as a surprise to many of you, as we are used to thinking of Europeans as the highly fashionable ones. While this might be true of France or Italy, it is certainly not true of Germany. My sister ripped me a new one after they learned that I call my black cargos my "fancy pants." 

25. Laptop cafés are a distinctly U.S. American thing. It was bizarre to walk into cafés expecting cramped tables, clinking dishware, and warm chatter, only to be faced with the cold, clicking stillness of Remote Work. I fear that laptop cafés are an insult to the word "café" and they drain me of hope for humanity. 

26. Yall know the sign. The picture of a gun with a red cross through it. "No guns allowed in this building" the sign aims to communicate to passersby. It used to make me feel safe, seeing a sign like that, however meager this performative act of public safety might be. Seeing these signs after being in Germany for over a year was completely jarring. This time around, they brought me not comfort, but a sobering reminder. There are buildings in this country in which guns are allowed, even welcome. 

27. Living in Germany has gotten me in the habit of saying "with card please" at every cash register. Meaning, it is still assumed in Germany that you will pay in cash, and therefore you have to specify if you will be paying in a different manner. Out of habit, I said "with card please" at a cash register in the U.S., which got me a very strange look from the person at the cash register. The look said: "duh?".

28. U.S. Americans keep the shower running when they wash their hair, face, body, when they shave, when they sing their Broadway tunes...in Germany, it is common practice to turn the shower off periodically throughout, basically anytime you don't actively need running water. The first time I encountered this practice, I thought Germans just took the world's shortest showers ever. Or maybe they take lots of mini showers, one after another. Now, I know that it is practice designed to reduce water waste, and I do it, too. I challenge you to do the same :)