I should've seen it coming. It took me twice as long to get ready as my roommates. Call me naive, but when I pictured a wholesome evening at the neighborhood swim spot, I didn't picture a lake full of naked people. There were maybe thirty people swimming that evening -- of all ages -- and I was the only one wearing a swim suit. The Germans did what they do (stare) and, this time, I stared back. How were these naked people making me feel naked for not being naked? Meanwhile, my roommates had already stripped off and jumped in the water. At least that answered my question about our apartment Pants Policy (in that, I probably wouldn't have to wear them).
At the risk of inspiring a couple eye-rolls from my academically burned-out readers, I've gotta say that this ~formative~ experience genuinely challenged the way I've grown up thinking about nudity and purity. What isn't wholesome about nudity, exactly? Why did there being naked people at the lake mean that my evening was no longer wholesome? What does it mean to be naked? What does it mean to feel naked?
I don't walk around Germany naked, or at least, not literally. Since moving here, I experience moments every day in which I feel naked - completely humiliated, vulnerable, and exposed. Like when I fell off my bike after attempting the slowest, widest left turn known to bike-riding-man. Or when I paid for my 3€ cappuccino with a 5€ bill and then asked for 3€ in change. Or when I pointed to a bunch of birds in a park and shouted a word that I thought meant "BIRDS!" but actually meant "FORNICATE!". I replay these moments at night in my head, feeling embarrassed all over again.
I assume the times I feel naked in this country will decrease with time, as I get a hang of the culture and the language. And in that vein...maybe the times I am actually naked will increase.
Here's to being naked, not feeling naked.
The birds probably replay that moment too.
ReplyDeleteLoving this nudity venn diagram! Here's to wholesome nudity and not feeling naked indeed
The feelings of nakedness definitely decrease with time. However I will say after spending a year in Freiburg I came out perhaps a bit too comfortable being naked. Every day was no pants day, and most swimming became skinny dipping.
ReplyDeletemaybe not wholesome but decidedly holesome
ReplyDeleteAs the first human on earth to see you naked (besides Dr. Goodwin, and our small audience in the delivery room), I support your journey toward embracing your birthday suit as you see fit... (lol, and it will always fit!)
ReplyDeleteAt this point I feel you are living my life when I moved to Germany the year after college! I had almost this exact experience (and not only once...). Granted, the year was 1989-1990, so this year may not be *exactly* the same, but I recognized sooooo much here! Which in a way is super comforting. Thanks for blogging Emma!
ReplyDeleteAnd, my "BIRDS!" / "FORNICATE!" experience was when I loudly said "PRESERVATIVE!" and inadvertently was saying "CONDOM"!"(sometimes I think Germans use the word "preservativ" for "condom" just to mess with native speakers of English)
ReplyDelete