Culture Shock #49: There's a tea for that

It's a punishingly grey Saturday, and I woke up this morning feeling more homesick than usual. There are days where, in such a melancholy state of mind and body, I might've reached for my journal or sent a voice message to the family group chat. But this morning, after surrendering into the fact that it would be a sad day, my instincts whispered: tea. 

Growing up, I rarely drank herbal tea. Maybe a milky chamomile when I couldn't sleep or a ginger honey to soothe a throatache, but that was pretty much the extent of it. In college, the closest I got to drinking any kind of tea were the chai and matcha lattes I treated myself to during strenuous days of studying. As there certainly weren't any tea leaves involved in brewing those Starbucks concoctions, I understand if readers are reluctant to count this as tea-drinking. I certainly wasn't drinking herbal tea at age nineteen. In fact, I was generally anti any decaffienated hot beverage, worried that the droopy eyelids and gaping yawns it might induce would hinder my Freshman mission to never miss out on anything ever. 

Since moving to Germany, I have spent many a minute perusing the astounding array of herbal tea mixes in supermarket and drug store aisles. What tickles me the most is how these teas are marketed, which I suppose is a reflection of the function tea-drinking plays in German society. There is an herbal tea mix for everything, and it's safe to assume that every German household has a pantry shelf full of them. 

Sure, you've got the basic herbal tea mixes, marketed towards your everyday pains and aches. Throatache? Yep. Stomachache? Yep. Immunity strengthening? Easy. 

Then, there are teas meant for more specific physical ailments beyond the average cold symptom. Need a tea to relieve irritation caused by inflammation of the mucus membranes in the upper respiratory tract? No problem. What about a tea to remedy declining cardiac performance and feelings of tightness in the chest area? Coming right up! Looking for a tea to support organic breastfeeding by balancing fluid levels and promoting a soothing and harmonious breastfeeding relationship? Aisle four! 

German herbal teas go far beyond the realm of physical ailments. There are also teas marketed for specific times of day or year. Some of them might sound familiar to you, others not so much. Christmas tea? Sure, we've probably got that. Winter tea? Obviously, for all the other winter days besides Christmas. Night time tea? Of course, the tea I avoided in college. Work break tea? Right, for all the breaks we take at work...

Beyond specific times of day or year, there are German herbal teas designed to offer teleportative experiences, for those who wish they were somewhere else, or perhaps for those who want to intensify the experience of being where they are. Teas called "Breathing deeply in the woods" (Can't see the forest for the trees? Then it's time for a break! A cup of blackberry leaves, cowslips, and spruce needles will send your thoughts on a walk through the forest) or "Cozy evening around the fire" (This romatic herbal tea combines warming lime blossom with honeybush. Rounded off with ginger, cardamom, and star anise, this powerful tea pampers both body and soul. Perfect for cozy evenings with the whole family) are not hard to find in your average German grocery store. 

You've also got the teas that are meant to target specific psychological ailments or states. Tea to soothe nervous restlessness or irritation? Not a problem. Woman Power tea? Whatever that means, it exists! (This is not to say that being a woman is a psychological ailment. I suppose I could argue that womanhood is a psychological state, though I prefer not to engage in discourse online. I do find it fascinating that I've never seen "Man power" tea. I have yet to decide if that's a good thing or not. You'll be hearing from me if I ever find a "Gender nonconforming power" tea.) Or maybe you're on the lookout for Happiness tea, that is delicately tart, cheerful, and uplifting? Ideal for anyone who believes in happiness? Together with other herbs and spices, cinnamon, hops, and orange peel lovingly tickle the palate and soul? The delicately tart and slightly spicy taste of this atmospheric blend will bring a smile to your lips? Name your price! (No really, I've seen wild price ranges on German Happiness Tea. How much would you pay to feel happy?) 

So obviously a part of me wants to riff off of the ridiculous assortment of German herbal teas. Like, excuse me, pharmacist? One Monday Springtime Post-White Collar Workday Constipation Tea please! Excuse me, pharmacist? One Tu Bishvat Itchy Left Nostril Tea please! Excuse me, pharmacist? One Late Autumn Moroccan Camel Ride for Seniors Tea please! (Shoutout to my grandparents for the inspiration). God this is too fun, I could go on for days. 

There is another part of me though, becoming more present the longer I live here, that really embraces the tea-drinking culture in Germany. The idea that, whatever you've got going on in your mind~body~spirit, there's a tea for that. I find it soothing, the ritual of reaching for the tea leaves, of filling up the water kettle, of carefully selecting a mug from the cupboard, especially in moments where I'm feeling lost or helpless. So today, I am drinking homesick tea, a mason jar of loose tea leaves lovingly mixed by my partner (not in crime. I state for the record that they had nothing to do with the Great Goose Thievery of December 5th 2025).